I debated sharing this, especially since I am still currently going through this.
I was pregnant, 6 weeks on Sunday.
I woke up Saturday morning and started to bleed lightly. As I have never bled with pregnancy, I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I knew it couldn’t be good. I knew it couldn’t be just implantation or such.
The bleeding continued, still not bad but all day long. I called my doctor, she told me they would get me in Monday morning for an US. She said if bleeding did get worse, or if I got sick or unbearable pains, to go to ER.
I was fine all day, Sunday I was bleeding still, off and on. Sunday night was when I had bad pains, like contractions. I knew this was the end, I knew in my gut all along. Monday I went to get an US, a vaginal one since I was still so early. They found nothing, no sac no baby, nothing. I got blood work, just to make sure levels going down and ok. Monday was when it did get worse, bleeding more and more clots, tissue. This morning I passed the worse part, I can’t even write that without crying. I am sick, sad, and empty.
I now KNOW how anyone feels that has suffered a miscarriage. I always send love to anyone who has, it always hurt my heart to see people go through this. I thought since I was so early, I would handle this better. But a loss is a loss, no matter what. I was ok yesterday, today as it sets in and I really knew baby was gone, it broke me.
We were not actively trying, it was the most beautiful surprise, and we were so thrilled! We wanted one more, and didn’t think it would happen so soon. We figured maybe next year, when or if we decided to actively try. I am so hurt but I know GOD always has a PLAN. I have three beautiful kids and I am grateful for that. But this still hurts so much. I wanted to share this, as I want to SEND LOVE to any of my friends who have gone through this. Just know in darkness there is always light. Know all happens for a reason, good or bad. I will pray for all of my friends who have experienced a loss of a baby by miscarriage. I pray for those who are trying to have babies or can’t.
I did not share this for sympathy. I shared this to tell anyone who has gone through this, that I am sorry. I never knew how awful it can be, but you never know until you experience things yourself in life.
I wanted to share this pic with this post, as I was pregnant and I just love how Rocco is looking up at me. Like he is telling me it’s ok mama, you will get through this. I am so grateful, I am happy I could miscarry at home, but it still is not a great experience.
I am just hoping all stays ok, and my levels go down as they should and all is clear.
Thank you all for letting me share my dark times, great times and more on here. I know sometimes we can feel so alone, but we truly aren’t in this big world <3
I am taking off the rest of the week to just rest and heal. Mentally and physically I am a wreck, and just want to get better.
Thank you all, truly means the world for all the comments and love on this, as I might not be able to get back to you all <3