As I mentioned before, life has been crazy. I know it seems I say this so much, but really how can’t I? My life is crazier than its ever been, my sanity is tested daily, and my nerves are shot.
Maybe me sharing my crazy can help someone else not feels so alone? I hope so.
How am I surviving and how are things?
COFFEE overflowing for sure.
He had his first full week of therapy at home last week. I am grateful that they can come here now, but it can be crazy having people at your house daily. One day, he has two therapists here. I am SO happy though that we have this opportunity until Rocco can get back to outpatient in May.
He is having a hard time I think with not being out for therapy. He is in a bubble, and I know it’s hard on him not getting out like he did. We do take advantage of any nice days, and get him outside. Spring soon, so the weather should get better soon! We just have to get this baby to surgery and things will be calm and ok again.
His adjustment to his sister is still SO hard. You think it would get better, but there are days it’s pure hell. Yesterday was one of those days. I think I drank wine at 3 pm. LOL. We knew it would be hard, as a baby crying is one of his BIGGEST triggers, but what can we do? We are just doing the best we can, and this too shall pass. It really is hard to be alone in the day, when they both are crying, and I feel helpless. Rocco has the biggest meltdowns, it’s bad when he can’t handle her cries. In the day he can be so/so when she does, but at night when he is tired, whoa.
She is finally gaining some weight, drinking a little more. She only typically drinks 3 ounces at one feed, but has been doing 4 more. Some of the moms in my CPAM group, have said that once their baby had surgery, they drank more! I feel like she has to work so much harder to swallow, as she works harder to breathe with her lung. We do have her on a higher calorie formula mixture, so that helps! She goes this Friday to get a CT scan, so our surgeon can get a more in depth look at her lung mass, to prepare for surgery. She has to fast 4 hours, which is going to be real fun, wheeeee. Praying that the mass maybe shrunk a little, even though that doesn’t really make a big difference now. Her surgery is still set for April 17th, unless something changes after her CT scan or if she gets sick again.
Like I said, I am just trying to stay sane over here. I feel like I am just in survival mode daily, and doing my best. I am stir crazy, not getting out much, but I am grateful I can be home with my kids. I have lost myself a lot the past months, and I need to REALLY find me again once this surgery is over with. I feel like I can’t focus on anything until after that. I know things are going to get better, even though its been SO crazy and hard. My marriage as I said, has taken a toll. We both have lost ourselves, have no energy to put into each other/marriage and it sure is suffering. I’m always honest on here, and that is just the truth. Mike basically comes home and has to take care of Rocco and I have the baby glued to me. Once they are asleep, we are both exhausted and trying to do stuff we need to get done. Our marriage was having problems before this all happened, and I hope we can work things out. Really, nobody ever knows, I just know these are trying times for us right now and we both are mentally exhausted, besides physically exhausted.
I do know some things….I am blessed with three amazing kids, I love my blog and coaching business, and god is GOOD! I know that this storm is making me stronger and appreciate things more.
So, I am alive over here! I am sorry that blogging is not as much as it used to be. But, once I get to breathe more and things calm, I will be back!
I love you all and TRULY am grateful for your love and support!
Happy Wednesday, and maybe see you tomorrow on here! If not, Diva Spill Friday I’ll see you all!